Not Just for Kids

 Vol. 10, No. 5

January 31 - February 6, 2002

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The How-To Cowboy™
Secret, Magic How-To Fun Tricks

How to Dupe Dopes

1) Form a secret club with friends. Name it the Royal Order of SIAM.

2) Nominate leaders, give them fancy names: Potentate, Grand Wizar, Prince of Records.

3) Draw up bylaws, charter. Make them mysterious, esoteric, secretive. Be creative.

4) Recruit new members (dopes).

5) Invite them to a midnight initiation ceremony around a bonfire.

6) Members wear fancy costumes, talk in mysterious code.

7) Speak of the ancient lineage of the Order, the need for secrecy and daily ritualistic homage to the deity TAGU.

8) Now comes the fun part. The potentate commands dopes to face bonfire, kneel, bow heads, place their outstretched arms on the ground.

9) He next orders them to raise up, arms outstretched, reaching skyward.

10) Dopes repeat exercise, down, up, down, up, and begin to slowly chant homage to the almighty TAGU, ruler of SIAM: “AHWA-TAGU-SIAM.”

11) Potentate orders recruits to repeat bowing and chanting. Again, but faster.

12) Faster. “AHWA-TAGU-SIAM.” And faster.

13) Dopes will come to their senses, realize what they are chanting: “Oh, what a goose I am.” Be nice to dopes afterward. No one likes being duped, even though it’s instructive.

The How-To Ranch Hand Challenge:
Send a unique How-To trick to IM Press, Box 5346, Takoma Park, MD 20913 with step-by-step instructions and, If accepted, you will see your trick published in this space, and receive a LITTLE NED STORIES book and a $10 check.

Visit The How-To Cowboy, aka Edward Allan Faine at his website:

Fun Stuff to Do:

February 1
Movie Nite - Register by today to go to the movies Feb. 22. Travel in style (by coach) to the gigantic Mount Vernon Multiplex Theater in Alexandria, VA. Ages 10-12. tba @ Southern Community Ctr., Lusby. $19.50; rsvp: 410/586-1101.

February 2
Whistle Pig Walk - Search the park for furry creatures, including whistle pigs (a nickname for groundhogs or woodchucks) w/Ranger Bob. 10am @ River Birch Pavilion, Kinder Farm Park, Millersville. Free; rsvp: 410/222-6115.

Animal Sleepers - Learn where groundhogs, chipmunks, bats and sometimes bears slumber for the winter on a hike at Jug Bay Wetlands Sanctuary. 1-3pm @ the Sanctuary, Lothian. $2.50 w/discounts; rsvp: 410/741-9330.

February 5
What Jobs do People Do? - Learn what Moms and Dads do in the story My Day, Your Day. 10am @ Barnes & Noble, Annapolis: 410-573-1115.

February 6
A World of Music
Listen to music from different cultures as Nada Brahma uses a variety of unique ethnic instruments. 7pm @ Severna Park Library: 410/222-6290.

February 7
Kid’s Computer Club - Let’s face it: Learning how to use the computer is right up there w/reading, writing and arithmetic. In this computer club, ages 3-5 learn self-discovery, reading and readiness for school. 4 week course. 1-1:45pm @ Northeast Community Center, Chesapeake Beach. $30; rsvp: 410/257-2554.

Copyright 2002
Bay Weekly