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Features (Humor)

Why does the groom always stand on the bride’s right?

It’s usually because that’s where the nearest exit is.
    No, just kidding. The groom’s position is a tradition dating back to medieval times. It is also why many European countries drive on, according to us, the wrong side of the road.
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The best explanation of the game is not original, but it is legendary.
    Baseball is a game played by two teams, one out, the other in. The one that’s in sends players out one at a time to see if they can get in before they get out.
    If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn’t count.
    If they get in before they get out, it does count.
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Pranks are everywhere just waiting to be found

With April 1 right around the corner, undoubtedly you pranksters out there are gearing up to fool some of your soon-to-be former friends and family. What I want to stress is that April 1 is not the only time for practical jokes. Any time, if the moment is right, can be used for foolishness. But first, let’s define the differences between a joke and a practical joke.
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Can’t get your boat to a pump-out station? One will come to you

If you spend much time on your boat, it’s probably got a head. What you put into the head can’t go into the Bay. It’s against the law to pump effluent into the Bay or its tributaries or within three miles of the U.S. coastline.
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Fresh from the woods, we dug up more than we bargained for

The family agreed. This shapely 10-foot Norway spruce with beautifully spaced branches was our perfect Christmas tree. After Christmas, the living tree would find a new home in a corner of our half-acre lot.
    But this was an out-of-the-way farm, and the tree digger was unavailable. So we would have to wait a few days before we could take The Tree home.
    No problem. Christmas was four weeks away.
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It’s all online in Calvert County

In old-fashioned walk-around communities, construction projects were everybody’s business. In these times of zipping past in cars, who knows what’s going and coming?
    In Calvert County, you can find out online. What’s Going Where lets you track commercial projects county wide. You can search by postal Zip Code or review a list of projects completed in the last 12 months.
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Chew on these tales of bad behavior before you add a new member to your family

Through the beveled glass oval of the front door, I could see trouble. My friend and hair-stylist Kathy Burns’ brother was not making a social call. His khaki uniform meant he had come on official business. Dogcatcher business.
    The dog in question, Slip Mahoney, wasn’t home. Wherever he was, he had stirred up enough commotion to bring out the dogcatcher.
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How I learned to defend against zombies

I can’t claim to be unfamiliar with the living dead. I logged enough hours watching zombie movies as a kid that I could have received a PhD in zombiology from the George A. Romero School for the Aaaaaarghts.
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Duck would never again be as fun as the tough, skinny, buckshot-riddled birds Mom and I cooked

“Mrs. Safer, Do you like ducks?” my adorable third-grade student asked as class was dismissed on a November Friday in 1962.
    “Oh, yes,” I replied, recalling my many hours spent feeding the ducks and geese and riding the swan boats in Boston Common where I had grown up.
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